oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
