found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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