i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
