If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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