How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
my shit smells like andre
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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