I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
