Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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