she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
