the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Randomize
