Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i need some magic done to my vagina
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
