I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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