I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
