i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
