I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
