Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Randomize
