OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
