The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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