Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
