I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
it's like heaven, but drunker
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
