update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
as a side note pls kill me
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
