id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He has the fingertips of a God
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