so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
barbara walters just said penis...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
