so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
