It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
