I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
