Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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