Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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