He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
