dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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