I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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