Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize