is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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