So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
