Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
