the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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