Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
All the doctor said was why
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
