once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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