Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
