Pappa wants mamma naked
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize