so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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