is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The beer is more important than you right now.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
