I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
