After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize