My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
