he puts the penis in happiness.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Dignity is for republicans.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
