I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
