3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
