I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
