Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
