Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
