She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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