I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
