I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
