Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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