Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
