I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
