I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
