help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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