I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
