I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
