I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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