I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
