When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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