I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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