I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
