I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
