he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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