Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
