sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
