Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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